Rewriting history?

The second in a series of regular poetic reviews of Erinsborough’s Ramsay Street – this one prompted by two October webisodes

Oh Paul, oh Paul, what have you done?
You’ve changed the lives of everyone
Who ever lived in Ramsay Street
(And those who died there too).
Did you correct your past mistakes
By going back to do re-takes?
And have you altered history?
What are you going to do?

Oh Paul, oh Paul, the ‘old’ Terese
Has rather different, common ways,
She’s not the classy lady that
You tried to prise from Gary.
And as your past comes back to haunt,
You’re looking spooked, and pale, and gaunt
When you meet your kids and find
That two of them decide to marry!

Is this surreal experience a lesson learnt?
We’re in suspense,
And did you still burn Lassiter’s
And marry Gail? Do tell!
And what about the other wives?
(You’ve had a few in your past lives!)
And did your nephew still get trapped
With Immy, down a well?

We have so many questions, Paul
And we want answers to them all.
But mostly we all want to know
The Blue Box secrets please!
We know there is a nurse’s dress.
The rest we’re always trying to guess.
Don’t keep us in suspenders with
A cryptic, crafty tease.

What will your next adventure be?
We really cannot wait to see.
Will you meet Harold, Madge and
Mrs Mangel on the way?
Perhaps a twin who’s named Alessi?
Careful Paul, this could get messy.
We’re not sure this time hop really
Makes a better day!

© Carol Ann Wood
Tuesday 31 October 2017


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Contact the author, or follow this blog
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
Carol’s football-related blog: Levelling the Playing-Field
NOT Just Saying: Carol Anns’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Perfect Blend
Neighbours


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Only A Carbon Footprint Away

The first in a series of regular poetic reviews of Erinsborough’s Ramsay Street – this one a review of the week’s episodes

Susan, Susan, smug and smart,
Swish that cape and steal the part!
‘The Perfect Blend’ left Karl surprised.
(You sure that line ain’t plagiarised?)

Paulie, Paulie, hold it there!
Wife number six so young and fair?
Not your money she is after?
Just your charm? (Cue viewers’ laughter.)

Amy, Amy, handy tradie,
You going back to work so shady?
If you need some saucy gear,
The Blue Box lies in a house quite near.

Toadie, Toadie, do not dredge
The lake to find your lovelock pledge.
You never know what secrets might
Be buried there and come to light.

Karl’s compost plans, or his dollar stash,
Might bob up with a mighty splash.
And, heaven forbid, a watery call
From another love child, son of Paul.

Elly, Elly, you okay?
You haven’t had a drink all day.
You’re doing the things that teachers do.
It’s most absurd and not like you.

Tyler, Tyler, Tyler B,
How dumb are you? You cannot see
That Hamish is a lying creep?
It makes the viewers want to weep.

Yashvi, Yashvi, think you’re cool
To cause a stink that closed the school?
Such pranks as this do not end well.
Ask Piper of her burning hell.

Will Gary and Terese get back
To limbering in the spa or sack?
Will Guy Fawkes go without a hitch?
Is Courtney real or a scheming bitch?

Will Sheila’s heart be a shattered mess?
Should we send for Clive in his fancy dress?
It’s an average week in our favourite place.
So follow this blog and watch this space!

© Carol Ann Wood
Week ending Friday 27 October 2017


Index of Posts:


Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
Carol’s football-related blog: Levelling the Playing-Field
NOT Just Saying: Carol Anns’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Perfect Blend
Neighbours


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Ladybird Lover: Down And Dirty With Gary

Terese is a woman with many a need.
In business she’s well used to taking the lead.
She’s smart and she’s sassy, and she wanted some fun.
But who’d have thought Gary her frolicking one?
An unlikely couple, he’s rough at the edges,
And more used to odd jobs like trimming the hedges
Than getting it on with his boss on the sly,
But when they’re together, oh me and oh my!
The chemistry’s sizzling, Terese is a- glowing.
‘She’s working you too hard!’ cries Sheila,
Not knowing that what she has said
Is a literal truth.
But she’s bound to discover,
Cos Sheila’s a sleuth.
Terese feels so frisky she’s skipping around
And she’s whispered to Susan of the fun she has found.
She’s mentioned a ladybird – what could this mean?
An exciting position I think we might glean.
Well Gary is bubbling with fear and delight
Like a love-struck young schoolboy
On a school disco night,
And Paul’s quietly seething and plotting revenge,
His face hard and angry like a stone at Stonehenge.
Poor Gary had better look over his shoulder,
Cos a Robinson death stare can hit like a boulder.
Will Gary hang on to the bosom of love,
Or will he be ousted with a heavy-man shove?
I’m rooting for Gary, a Canning who can,
He’s tough stuff, Terese’s new ladybird man!

© Carol Ann Wood
October 2016


Index of Posts:


Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
Carol’s football-related blog: Levelling the Playing-Field
NOT Just Saying: Carol Anns’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Perfect Blend
Neighbours


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Father Jack In The Sack

An illustrated poem to commemorate the de-frocking of Neighbours’ Father Jack – and the durability of Paige’s lipstick and mascara after an unfortunate incident with a hot-air balloon…


If you enjoyed the video, Take a look at this review, Beauty And The Priest: Father Jack and his tortured soul, and this earlier poem, Beauty And The Priest.


Index of Posts:


Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
Carol’s football-related blog: Levelling the Playing-Field
NOT Just Saying: Carol Anns’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Perfect Blend
Neighbours


Please note that any advertisements which appear below these posts are not indicative of any endorsement by the author. They are placed there by a WordPress algorithm.


Beauty And The Priest: Father Jack and his tortured soul.

From the moment that Jack Callahan, previously ‘John Doe’ regained his memory and knew he was a man of the cloth, viewers recognised that it spelt trouble ahead for him and would-be lover Paige. The official Neighbours line is that no-one guessed that Jack, played superbly by the excellent Andrew Morley, was a Catholic Priest, but I’m afraid it’s not strictly true! I nailed it, albeit just one day before the reveal. And I wasn’t alone, because I had a Twitter conversation about it. Andrew was included in that Twitter thread, so he knows that I (and a few others) worked it out! Nevertheless, I think it’s one of the best revelations in the show for some while.

Jack was initially known as Jon Doe, the guy with no memory, who had somehow been caught up in the boiler explosion at the hotel. Viewers fast became irritated by Paige’s obsession with this tall dark-haired stranger. Some felt, quite reasonably, that Paige might be using him as a rebound romance, after her non-wedding drama with former boyfriend Mark Brennan. Paige is an impetuous creature, who tends to rush into situations without thinking them through. She pushed and pushed to persuade ‘John’ into a relationship when he repeatedly and painstakingly explained that he couldn’t date her when he wasn’t even sure who he really was. Paige, however, wasn’t about to give up. Her headstrong personality served to compel her to push even harder, and she flatly refused to listen to family and friends’ words of caution.

When ‘John’ was finally about to give in to his physical attraction to Paige – accompanied by apparently genuine love – we knew something big was about to happen. He’d told her on several occasions that he had a feeling being with her was somehow ‘wrong’. Was he gay, we wondered at first? Surely that would be too obvious. Did he have a girlfriend already? Seemingly not. We’d already seen one woman turn up and claim to be his partner, only to find the writers had led us on a wild goose chase. The poor woman was emotionally unstable following the tragic death of her actual boyfriend. What else could stand in Paige’s way? John’s potential involvement in the tampering of the boiler? Whilst viewers may have been bored by Paige’s pursuit of John, they were now very curious about his identity. Neighbours chat groups on social media were full of it, and fans were loving the intrigue.

Paige had often said she ‘just knew’ John was a good man, and not someone who would do harm to others. He wasn’t convinced, as his counselling sessions had given him odd flashbacks of being in the boiler room. Thankfully though, he was finally absolved of any wrong-doing. He was apparently heterosexual, so what could stop him from jumping into bed with a beautiful single girl like Paige? The lightbulb moment for me was in the scene where Paige randomly suggested that he speak to someone from the church. This had to be it! John still hadn’t remembered everything at that point, but nevertheless decided to go ahead and spend the night with Paige. He concluded that he might not fully regain his memory, so he had to build his life anew. We saw Paige prepare for the ‘big night’ – setting the scene for a romantic meal and post-dinner delight. Then came the moment when ‘John’ discovered the final piece of the jigsaw. No matter how annoyed I felt with Paige for her relentless pressure, I did feel a little sorry for her when she was summoned to the police station after John remembered the events leading up to the explosion. And, the truth about his profession. Neighbours drama at its very best. Kudos to the writers, the production team and cast.

Suddenly, when John became Jack Callahan in that instant, the story turned into one of forbidden love, a modern-day soap-land Thorn Birds scenario. Father Jack seemed all the more appealing than plain old John Doe. A good, wholesome man of God who, by the fact of his Catholicism and vow of celibacy, is unavailable. Thus far. We might have known that Paige wasn’t going to give up easily, and as it stands, viewers are divided between those wanting to see Father Jack remain in the priesthood, and those who’d like him give up his dog-collar for the love of a woman. Many people have remarked that perhaps he could convert from Catholicism to another branch of Christianity where celibacy is not a requirement. He’d then get to carry on serving his God and love Paige at the same time. Whilst this sounds very straightforward, I’m not sure that it actually is. The saga, therefore, continues. Paige initially made a half-hearted attempt to keep her distance from Jack, and has been doing the ‘friends with benefits’ thing with Tyler Brennan. Rather unfortunately, sleeping with Tyler has hurt her half-sister Piper. Piper blotted her own copybook by acting immaturely and going behind her parents’ backs in seeing Tyler in the first place. Tyler’s torn between the girl he wants and the girl who has made herself available. In short, it’s a bit of a mess, and a typical Neighbours mess, to boot!

As is the norm for Neighbours, they managed to bring some humour to the whole situation regarding Jack’s new status. And typically, Sheila provided a comic moment when declaring ‘Oh God’ before she heard the revelation. By then, others already knew, and she wasn’t best pleased not to be first to spread the word. But she was thrilled to realise that she’d been landlady to a man of faith. If Father Jack had lodged with her for much longer, he’d probably be spoilt rotten with Sheila’s culinary delights, and his girth would have expanded rapidly! Then there was the moment Paige just ‘accidentally’ appeared poolside in a bikini. Jack tried not to gawp. But failed. Taking a nervous backwards walk, he managed to crash into the patio chairs in his haste.

Since making the decision to be married to God, Jack has been busily running a group project for disadvantaged and homeless people. Suddenly Paige has taken a keen interest in volunteering for the centre and, now, in religion, by joining a Bible Study class. Recently, we saw her smiling and chatting as she handed out free food and coffee to the homeless at a pop up kiosk, appropriate background music setting the scene. Not exactly the same Paige who snaps and snarls at the customer’s in Harold’s, then. Quite the Mother Theresa overnight! Did Lauren really have the Bible on her bookshelf prior to this Paige-getting-God thing? I’m not sure I’ve ever seen an actual bookshelf in her house, let alone any reading material. I also don’t think viewers buy into Paige’s transformation from flirtatious tease to Miss Goody-Two-Shoes. She’s still hung up on Jack, and it isn’t his crucifix she’s interested in. I might be overly cynical, and maybe the girl is really deeply in love, but at times, it feels as if the more Paige is told she can’t have something/someone, the more she’ll pursue it. As in her latest plan to become a professional boxer. Er, okay Paige, but it’s only a short while ago that you were excited about your university course. Remember that?

It would be no surprise if Jack and Paige were somehow to end up together. I wouldn’t bet against it being what the writers have planned all along – similarly to the way they brought Lauren and Brad together. I’m currently enjoying this tale of struggle and angst for Jack and Paige. Jack isn’t dealing with the situation well, either. He hasn’t exactly pushed Paige away, but rather, encouraged her curiosity about his beliefs. Whilst he might tell himself (and God) that it’s his duty to spread the teachings of the Good Book when required, there has to be an element of self-interest going on. He even admitted as much to Paige from his own confessional box. Paige might similarly convince herself that she is really interested in Jack’s religious convictions but we all know that, had Jack been a married physics professor, she’d have been at the front of the class in her skimpiest crop-top vowing to be enthused by Einstein.

Even putting aside Jack’s strong religious faith, I can’t help but have my doubts whether Jack and Paige would really make a good couple. Some viewers have recently remarked that Jack and Amy seem to have a better rapport. However, that may just be because neither has any romantic feelings towards the other, and so their connection is platonic and uncomplicated. Nevertheless, it’s clear that Paige isn’t entirely happy about seeing them with their heads together. Jack felt duty-bound to stick around Erinsborough after the elderly priest, Father Vincent, died. Before his death, Father Vincent told Jack he wanted him to take over the parish. Is this Jack’s true calling? Moments of doubt are not, apparently, that unusual. Jack is still young, and he seems especially suited to a rôle as some form of youth worker. He’s shown us already that he isn’t perfect – getting wasted on a night out and fearing that he may have hit Tyler in a jealous rage probably wasn’t the best idea if you’re behind a pulpit the following Sunday!

So, will we see another twist to this story, and furthermore, if Jack leaves the Catholic church for Paige, is it the right decision? I actually like him as Father Jack, and if I’m totally honest, I’m not sure I want to see the two of them get together. If things turned sour, or even just dull, would Jack start to resent Paige because of what he’d given up for her? How much do the two actually have in common? Does Paige acknowledge the enormity of such a decision for Jack? That said, there’s a lot more women than Paige who would love to tempt Jack away from God and get him hot under the dog-collar! Andrew, keep on doing what you’re doing – the queue for confession stretches long and wide, you may be in there some time!

© Carol Ann Wood
August 2016


Index of Posts:


Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
Carol’s football-related blog: Levelling the Playing-Field
NOT Just Saying: Carol Anns’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Perfect Blend
Neighbours


Please note that any advertisements which appear below these posts are not indicative of any endorsement by the author. They are placed there by a WordPress algorithm.


Dream A Little Dream Of Me: Reflections on Matt Turner’s reappearance

Dream A Little Dream Of Me: Reflections on Matt Turner’s reappearance

I loved the character of Matt Turner, played by the lovely Josef Brown, and like many others, was gutted when the writers killed him off. Matt was struck by a speeding car as he pushed Brad Willis out of the way, following the pair’s argument. So it was with great delight that I discovered Matt was going to make a reappearance. I was alerted to it when Josef tweeted the digital spy article. Normally, I tend not to read that website as I prefer to have little prior knowledge of what’s coming up next, but I made an exception in this case.

I was not surprised to find out that it was a guest appearance only, or that it wasn’t some ‘witness protection’ storyline – after all, they’d already done that with Mark Brennan. But it didn’t stop me from looking forward to what I knew would be Lauren’s dream, and I wasn’t disappointed!

It’s about time Lauren did think about Matt, to be honest. She seemed to get over his death alarmingly fast, and although we knew that it was because she had probably never stopped loving Brad all those years ago, it felt at times that there was hardly a mention of the hunky family guy, the cop who, apart from a blip towards the end of his life, was honest, trustworthy and a great father and husband. Even if he was a little stubborn at times. We’re all flawed in some way.

The build up to Lauren’s dream began with Brad and Terese’s disastrous divorce party, which definitely didn’t go to plan: daughter Piper embarrassed half-sister Paige and her latest friend-with-benefits bloke, Tyler, wth a video of their close encounter. Oh, and then Brad topped the occasion’s cringeworthy rating by proposing to Lauren in his ex-wife’s garden. With said ex-wife looking on. Nice one Brad, only you could be so crass and insensitive.

Lauren, emotionally stunned by the proposal, went home for a nap on her sofa, and it was then that Matt appeared. He told her that he’d missed her. Well, many viewers have missed you too, Matt, with your soulful eyes and lovely smile. Possibly more than Lauren has, to be fair! The last time we saw Matt saying those words was as an apparition during the webisode zombies series. Only this time, Matt was decidedly more the Matt we’d known in life. The fact that he was wearing one of his homely checked shirts is my only complaint. I’d have much preferred to see him one more time in his police uniform, or, perhaps, topless. But I suppose I can’t have everything. Matt had a photo of Brad and Lauren in his hand. ‘So you and Brad …’ he said, in that softly-spoken way of his, ‘He lives here now?’ Nicely done, Neighbours. And good that we didn’t see Matt telling Lauren to move on when Lauren told him of Brad’s proposal. True, his dying words to Brad were to ‘look after Lauren’ but none of us suspected for a minute that he meant it like that. Not even with things the way they were between him and Lauren at the time.

Quite a few viewers besides me admitted to shedding a few tears during this dream scene, especially when Matt said that Brad wouldn’t ever love Lauren as much as he did. It’s a fair comment, given Brad’s history. I was also reminded of the time Matt, on discovering the truth about that kiss, confided that he always knew Lauren wouldn’t love him as much as he loved her. Oh Matt, you even speak truth beyond the grave. Well, beyond the mountain, as your ashes are scattered somewhere in Mount Isa.

I’d have liked to see Matt appear some more. Perhaps to Brad, after he learnt of Lauren’s dream. Brad has since been flouncing around being rather unreasonable, given that his marriage proposal, initially turned down, was so badly mistimed, and given that it’s highly likely anyone might dream of their deceased spouse when they’ve been gone such a short time – a spouse to whom Lauren was married for twenty years. I’d love to see Brad squirm a bit as Matt tells him that he is keeping an eye on him, making sure that he never hurts Lauren. Who knows, it might just make Brad think about his behaviour a bit more carefully.

Failing that, I could see Matt in a ghostly rôle, leaving clues around about unsolved crimes. Let’s face it, there does seem to be a lot of crime in Erinsborough, and by the time the over-deployed Mark Brennan works out whodunnit, the culprit is often ten crimes down the road. Matt could be a sort of spirit guide to police, a ghostly guardian angel of Ramsay Street. Yes, I know, I’m the one who’s dreaming now. But you know how the advert goes: If Carlsberg did dreams …

© Carol Ann Wood
August 2016


Index of Posts:


Links:
My bespoke poetry service, Diverse Verse
About the author
Contact the author
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
Carol’s football-related blog: Levelling the Playing-Field
NOT Just Saying: Carol Anns’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Perfect Blend
Neighbours


Please note that any advertisements which appear below these posts are not indicative of any endorsement by the author. They are placed there by a WordPress algorithm.


Beauty And The Priest

A tall, dark stranger blasted in,
And Paige was duly smitten.
She felt that fate had sent him,
And her future surely written.
But there was just one problem
From the stranger’s point of view.
‘I don’t know who I am!’ he cried.
‘Aw, there’ soothed Paige, ‘bless you.’
So Paige turned sleuth to find out who
‘John Doe’ had been before.
‘I know you’re good inside!’ Paige cooed,
‘And I’m what you’re looking for!’
But John sensed there was something
Telling him that this was wrong.
‘I don’t care who you were!’ cried Paige,
‘My love for you’s so strong!’
And John tried hard to waive his doubts,
As he gazed at Paige’s bod.
One half of him said ‘Go For It!’
And the other said ‘Oh God.’
Then one day John remembered Jack,
Who’s celibate and holy.
As Paige dreamed of a surfer guy,
Or, Hawthorn’s footy goalie.
‘I guessed that you were good!’ she wailed,
‘But not quite as good as this!’
And Jack was deep in torment
As he thought back to their kiss.
Now Sheila’s all a-dither
And quite flustered by this shock.
‘Oh Father! Half this street have sinned,’
She said, ‘They’re quite a flock!’
So, will Paige steal her man from God
And will she win his heart?
The Bible in her crop-top
As she sings ‘How Great Thou Art?’
And will she wear a rosary
But pray for lasting love?
It’s a Thorn Birds situation,
What a story! Lord Above!

© Carol Ann Wood
July 2016


Index of Posts:


Links:
About the author
Contact the author
Follow Carol Ann Wood on Twitter
Carol’s football-related blog: Levelling the Playing-Field
NOT Just Saying: Carol’s comments on feminism, fashion, food and folly
Perfect Blend
Neighbours


Please note that any advertisements which appear below these posts are not indicative of any endorsement by the author. They are placed there by a WordPress algorithm.