Don’t Go Near The Hot Tub, Clive

Clive, we love your friendly smile,
We love your charming ways.
We love that you and Sheila
Might be set for happy days.
But Can I have a gentle word,
Or love may soon be gone.
Think carefully before you put
Your Budgie Smugglers on.

Don’t go near the hot tub, Clive,
Or things will end in tears.
That hot tub’s been a hot bed
Of disasters down the years.
Illicit frolics, blushes,
And a naked Karl and Suze.
(I’m sure you wouldn’t want
That image fixed, if you could choose!)

So don’t go near the hot tub, Clive,
Stay clear of it, my friend.
Cos it was where the ghastly Hamish
Met a watery end.
Woo Sheila in a restaurant,
Or in a gallery.
Surprise her with a picnic lunch,
Down by the lake, maybe.

Buy flowers from Sonya’s nursery,
She’ll gambol like a lamb.
Propose, perhaps,
(But maybe this time not with child in pram!)
They say that Dipi’s cleansed the tub
With her clever healing skills.
But we, the viewers do not trust
That she’s rid the tub of ills.

If you should find that the lure is strong,
And you’re tempted down that path,
Get sensual oils from the Flame Tree’s stock,
And run a nice hot bath!

© Carol Ann Wood
February 2018

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