Uncategorised – Only in Erinsborough

Dee: The Mystery Solved!

I think I’ve solved the mystery of who, and what, and where is Dee!
She’s maybe Andrea as well, who caused such pain and merry hell
And – just as Alice wasn’t Alice – Andrea, intent on malice,
Prepares to hook the grieving Toad, once more he’s on a rocky road.
And now that Karen’s in the mix, and Ian too, it’s quite a fix.
For what it’s worth, my view is this: A demented Heather found Dee Bliss
All washed up with no memory. And Heather thought ‘now, let me see,
I’ll take her in and tell her she is my dead daughter. Clever, me!
‘She’ll be a mum to Willow now!’ said Heather, ‘poor deluded cow’.
But over the years, her plan went wrong. The two just didn’t get along.
Then Andrea and Willow fled, with cleaning jobs to keep them fed.
Until one day quite cold and windy, there came unsuspecting Cindi.
She could not believe her eyes. ‘Why, Dee?!’ She cried in shocked surprise.
And so the two cooked up a plan, to hoodwink Cindi’s former man.
And thus the great and complex con went on (and on, and on, and on.)
Or maybe Andrea isn’t Dee, but Karen with no memory.
Or then again, she’s maybe not. Now where were we? I’ve quite forgot.
Ah yes, they’re triplets! There, it’s solved! (But how did Ian get involved?)
Perhaps it was like Bouncer’s dream where nothing is as it would seem?
There has to be a link perhaps to every Neighbours memory lapse.
A Susan slip, A Harold lost, a Zeke canoed and a Bad Finn tossed.
And not forgetting Father Jack, before he got his memory back.
Plus poor dear Sonya’s wedding day, her happy vows all brushed away.
I wonder if we’ll see an end, it’s driving viewers round the bend.
Just stop this madness hard to bear, and tell us if Dee’s still out there.
Perhaps we could just all calmly sit, and finally make some sense of it.
When we switch on, please make it true: It’s really nineteen ninety two!

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A Rainbow Of Love

On a bright Melbourne day, in a suburb we know,
Came a magical time in our favourite show.

Where Aaron and David were married at last;
An occasion much longed for by viewer and cast.

In typical fashion, there came a few glitches.
But we all adore Neighbours for farcical hitches.

Wherever was Susan our celebrant, sweet,
Our own goody-two-shoes and queen of the street?

She raced to get back but she found to her ire
They’d replaced her, as time was going down to the wire.

‘I’m here now!’ cried Susan, determined and gritty.
But Jemima just sniggered and answered, ‘Tough titty!’

She butchered the speech and she made it her own,
The other guests laughed, Susan’s face was like stone.

Poor Aaron was pained but he’d strutted up aisle,
His bad back forgotten, for his husband, a smile.

Then a beautiful touch brought a rainfall of tears.
With Scott and Charlene, we all rolled back the years.

And, during reception, two guests crept away
To give in to their passions. Terese! Ooh I say!

With feathers in hair, they crept back just in time
For the most slushy toasts (though, thank god, not in rhyme!)

But Susan was still in an unfriendly state.
It should have been her speech, it would have been great!

And now there was dog shit to cap a bad day.
I mean, what other horrors could be coming her way?

The old banger crumbled as Suze scraped her shoe,
And then came Jemima. Oh what a to-do!

Oh heavens, poor Susan’s day wasn’t going well.
She’d just met Karl’s sister – the sister from hell!

And wouldn’t you know it, she’s homeless and broke.
And Karl is well known as a gullible bloke.

But let’s not digress from the sweet tale we saw.
So tender, so happy, emotion so raw.

When history was made and with not one dry eye,
A rainbow of love graced the Erinsborough sky.

© Carol Ann Wood
September 2018

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The Leaving Of Steph

There is no single storyline
That Steph has not lived through.
We’ve felt her pain, we’ve cried her tears,
As the poor girl’s anguish grew.

We’ve seen her laugh in happy times,
We’ve watched as she’s fought back.
This Sully woman won’t be beat,
She’s the toughest nut to crack.

From when her sister broke her heart
To illness, loss and birth,
We’ve hoped for better times ahead
When Steph could see her worth.

Now, finally, she’s heading off,
Her precious boys beside her.
She’s had her life rebuilt at last
With her best friend Toad to guide her.

It never was an easy ride
When she sped back to town.
Mistrust from some and then the time
Paul tried to bring her down.

But still our Steph did not give up
And won some hearts once more.
It’s hard to say goodbye to her
When we’re always wanting more.

We’re oh so glad that Lynie’s ‘Staphy’
Got her happy end.
You’ve touched the viewers hearts for years,
To us, you are a friend.

Wishing all the best to Carla Bonner and hope that you will reappear in your new happy place as Stephanie Jo Scully in the future

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Don’t Go Near The Hot Tub, Clive

Clive, we love your friendly smile,
We love your charming ways.
We love that you and Sheila
Might be set for happy days.
But Can I have a gentle word,
Or love may soon be gone.
Think carefully before you put
Your Budgie Smugglers on.

Don’t go near the hot tub, Clive,
Or things will end in tears.
That hot tub’s been a hot bed
Of disasters down the years.
Illicit frolics, blushes,
And a naked Karl and Suze.
(I’m sure you wouldn’t want
That image fixed, if you could choose!)

So don’t go near the hot tub, Clive,
Stay clear of it, my friend.
Cos it was where the ghastly Hamish
Met a watery end.
Woo Sheila in a restaurant,
Or in a gallery.
Surprise her with a picnic lunch,
Down by the lake, maybe.

Buy flowers from Sonya’s nursery,
She’ll gambol like a lamb.
Propose, perhaps,
(But maybe this time not with child in pram!)
They say that Dipi’s cleansed the tub
With her clever healing skills.
But we, the viewers do not trust
That she’s rid the tub of ills.

If you should find that the lure is strong,
And you’re tempted down that path,
Get sensual oils from the Flame Tree’s stock,
And run a nice hot bath!

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How To Be Besties With Angie Rebecchi

The latest poetic review of Erinsborough’s Ramsay Street

She’s gruff on the outside
But she has a big heart.
She’s tough and she’s feisty
And she’ll tear you apart.

Just keep in her good books
And you’ll be okay.
But don’t try to cross her,
There’s a huge price to pay.

Cos Angie means business,
Her boys are her world.
If anyone hurts them,
Her anger’s unfurled.

Our Angie thinks she is top dog
And the queen.
Wherever there’s conflict
She’s first on the scene.

Don’t diss her, or claim that
Your baking is better.
Heap praise on her lamingtons,
Do not upset her!

Just nod, smile, agree,
Or invite her to brekky.
That’s how to be besties
With Angie Rebecchi!

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The latest poetic review of Erinsborough’s Ramsay Street

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